Am I sTiLL HaPPy?

I just want to...let all my feelings to come out...I don't know kung anung filing ko ngaun it's just that...I feel incomplete and unimportant...Sometimes iniisip ko...if I chose the right person...I always wish that one day magcing ako and my heart will stop beating for him...like i did before I miss those times na...magbestfriend lng kmi no more no less...but what can I do mahal ko tlga xa...that's why i really hate myself for that...Im trying...to b the right person for him...pero I feel that I'm still not enough mybe idealistic lng ako sbra...but eto tlga ung nrrmdaman ko...I'm starting to give up...one of my friend told me that..."If xa ang howe m matututo ka tlga kung anu tlga ang mining ng relationship" Honestly ang dami ko tlga na learn sknya...He disciplined me and taught me things that I should know para mging hppy and maaus ang life ko and i really thank him for that...pero grrr... i don't know confuse tlga ako...but one thing I'm sure kaya ako nagkakaganito it's because...

I know that he's my everything...

and

I really hate myself for that....

and

I want to be free...to love myself again...